Marriage Ruminations

I think what bothers me most about the gay marriage debate is the fact that it IS a debate. It disgusts me that there are people out there who feel entitled to deprive others of something, as if their ability to get married has ANYTHING to do with mine. In fact, I find it supremely arrogant behavior, and wonder how heterosexuals would react if the roles were reversed, and somebody was telling them they couldn't have something they wanted?

I think it is nothing short of evil, the time, effort and money that is spent to create ballot initiatives that are designed to deprive other Americans (All Men {People} Are Created Equal) of things that would enhance OUR lives. To all of you people who voted Yes on Proposition 1 in Virginia, or Yes on any of the other states' hideous anti-gay, anti-American, anti-human propositions, YOU ARE SELFISH AND GREEDY. And incredibly misguided. Indeed, your behavior is incredibly symbolic of what's wrong with America today.

Nobody seems to believe that there's enough room at the table to accommodate everybody's happiness, and that it isn't simply enough for straight people to be able to get married and have all of the advantages provided by it, but they also need to hoard it for themselves like a piece of candy that can't possibly be shared. Somehow that makes it better! Don't we teach children to share right off the bat? It's one of the very first, and most important life lessons adults seek to teach kids. Yet, when it comes to practicing what they preach, heteros are severely lacking. IT DOESN'T MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE ONE BIT BETTER TO KEEP IT FROM OTHERS. There's the plain truth that no anti-gay marriage proponents will admit. You're just mean, stingy bullies when it comes down to it. I liken your behavior to cruel schoolyard children ostracizing their selected victim du jour, and trying to make their lives as miserable as your own, as ironically, you think that will somehow make you feel better.

Indeed the wretched Defense Of Marriage Act, a misnomer if there ever were one, is completely illogical. Gay people can get married in MA, and 8,000 or so couples already have since 2003. I would like to hear the statistics on how heterosexual marriage has suffered there (or anywhere) as a result. Oh, what's that you say? You don't have any statistics to back up that claim? How surprising. In reality, married heterosexuals' lives haven't changed a whit since then. You still have all the rights and privileges accorded to married people. You're still breathing, working, existing, being married. If ONLY we homos could exert such a great effect on hetero marriages! We would use those Super Marriage Powers to HELP you poor, abused straight people! The truth is, you DO need help with marriage 'cause you SUCK AT IT. Your divorce rate is OVER 50%, and your domestic violence statistics are staggering.

In fact, I think we need to create an Offense Of Marriage Act. Some sort of legislation that allows heteros to take responsibility for their OWN marriages, and encourages improvement of what is a dilapidated, mangled mess of an institution, by making it available to everybody. Straight people have ruined marriage all on their own, long before we gays started clamoring for it. If you believe so strongly in the sanctity of marriage, you should WANT us to get married, as having MORE people committed to marriage and the relationships it entails, and to their families (yes, we gays actually create families, and are quite good at it) would only serve to STRENGTHEN marriage as a whole, not the opposite, which is what you claim. If anything, heterosexuals are the ones who've attacked your own precious institution.

I use Britney Spears as the perfect example of how straight people have ruined marriage. Her first marriage, held in Vegas on a drunken whim, lasted 55 hours before it was annulled. Oops. I didn't mean to do that. It was an accident. I was drunk. Sorry! Heterosexuals don't even have to THINK about getting married! They can have the mere IMPULSE to do so, and wham, it's done! No questions asked. And what's even better, is that Britney could get divorced just as easily! Why, all she did was TEXT MESSAGE Kev that it was over (granted, I think she made a good decision, but that's another conversation altogether) and then went ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Yay, fun! Boom, marriage over.

The polar opposite of this innate ability to mindlessly marry is what we gay people do, which is to THINK about it in great detail. There are legal considerations, social considerations, parenting considerations, relationship considerations, so very many considerations that go into our approach to marriage. This is precisely why we're actually MORE suited for marriage than heteros. Taking it seriously, giving it great thought, and contemplating the meaning of it in our lives are INHERENT to our approach to marriage. We are incapable of approaching it in a casual, thoughtless way!

You guys should be BEGGING us to get married! Just think of all the validation you'd be creating for yourselves. You will be enhancing marriage like never before, by enabling people to contribute to the overall goodness of humanity. However, I fear this is too tall a task for most Americans, who lately seem to gravitate towards the choices in life requiring the least amount of thought and energy. Intellectual and societal laziness are conspiring to keep most people limited in their approach to living. It's easiest to simply stick our faces in the pie, and try to gobble it all up before anybody else can get a bite. Then we can sit there at the table, bloated and temporarily satisfied, and happy that nobody else got their mitts on our prize. This feeling ebbs away, however, and then the craving for more comes again, and the urge to hoard and deprive overtakes you, perpetuating the vicious, selfish cycle. There's only one way to break this cycle.

Share, people. It's for your own good, and everybody else's.